Ruminations in/on Church

Today at church, I experienced a weekly ritual that others in my congregation don't usually experience: realizing I am one of three people of color in the entire building. This got me thinking about whether the "church" - the people, not the gospel - racialize the foundational precept of our identity: that we are children of God.

It's a common practice to use "whiteness" as the standard for the norms to mimic. For example, when we think about success, it's often a notion of success that reflects the goals of a white society (e.g. house, white picket fence, education, nuclear family, 2-car garage, boat, etc). In other words, some scholars suggest, that this "whitening" is the de-facto consideration for a color-blind society. Thus, in order to succeed, whatever the color might be, we all need to strive to become like the white upper middle class male or female. Doing so will create this "sameness." But doing so harms and completely ignores and marginalizes the collective experience of so many people of color whose perception of the world and whose thinking has inevitably shaped who they are and ultimately what they will become. To easily quip, "color-blind" ignores all of that while attempting to achieve sameness on the terms of a particular race. That reality is often starkly different from the reality of people of color.

Thus, when it is said we are children of God, I often wonder if that precept is racialized and whether the notion of sameness is employed to make that precept meaningful for them. In other words, saying "we are children of God," "no more strangers or foreigners..." implicitly invokes the notion of a color-blind society - that is when you become like us, then you are no more strangers, to come to know one's self as a child of God is to come to accept the standards and norms of the dominant society. Thus rarely do we find comments from the church about white people needing to put their cultural identity second. Rather, numerous comments are made that people of color need to come to understand that they are children of God first, then a person of color second.

This sounds enlightening. And it is. However, not fully examining its implications, I believe does harm to those people of color striving to follow Christ, when the example of following Christ is implicitly tied to mimicking "white" mormons. Certainly, there is a degree of fault to be shared by all.

I sit in my pew at church, thinking these things, wondering if my wearing of a white shirt and tie is really a product of me wanting to obey the Prophets and Apostles or simply me subscribing to the cultural standards of what it means to be a faithful Mormon...a child of God.

A note on Indigenist

I use this term to describe a specific perspective about being Indigenous. Unlike Ward Churchill's use of the term, I see Indigenist in more tempered and less idealistic terms; that is, it is an outlook about my identity, re-covered from beneath the layers of genocide, oppression, domination, racism, and marginalization that has acted upon me, my life, and my environment for centuries.

Indigenist is this outlook about myself, my place in society, and relationship with the world and its inhabitants. It is focused primarily on the necessity of maintaining relations and being restored to relations previously severed. In other words, it's a knowledge of who I am, as Dine' - as a child of Saa Naaghai Bik'e Hozhoo (SNBH). This out look demands a measure of vigilance: being chary of processes of domination and eradication, but motivated by a sense of restoring relations to not only Indigenous people, but all people.

That certainly has a tone of romanticism, but it is my notion and understanding of Indigenist.

Ya'at'eeh

I suppose I first should introduce myself...

I am of the Bear Enemy People, born for the Folded Arm People. In that way I am Diné.

So the picture is clearly not me...just saying.

I'm a graduate student in Public Policy and Management at the University of Washington in Seattle. I'm in my third year a PhD program and often wonder "what am I doing?" The scary thing is, I really don't know. I cling to the idea that this degree will contribute in some meaningful way to the struggle Indigenous people have in regaining control over the very processes that affect them, their lives and their future.

I originally wanted to research and propose a theory of Navajo decision-making. But as I learn more, I become more confused. Things I originally saw with stinging clarity, are now a morass of ambiguity. Since I can't save Indigenous people on my own, I decided what better way to hasten and enhance the much needed decolonization of Indigenous people than by studying ways in which the policy process continues to co-opt and colonize Indigenous people. So I study how co-optation, as a strategy of the powerful, continues to subjugate Indigenous autonomy and identity. But I do this within the domain of public policy. Thus, I study how nation-states and their organs (i.e. governments, corporations, etc) use deception (either implicitly or explicitly) to dampen the efforts of Indigenous autonomy.

But this blog is not about my research per se, this blog, going against the rather traditional Indigenist view, of not speaking about one's self, is really about my frustrations as an Indigenous person, more specifically as an Indigenous male in a largely white privileged liberal culture. What complicates this even more is I am faithful Mormon.

As a Mormon and as Diné I'm under tremendous pressure to get married and start a family. Afterall, how else can I posit that the salvation of Indigenous peoples rests on the adherence to relations - when I have yet to contribute to expanding those relations myself? Further, being Mormon, the theology which I believe, says I can't be deified if I am not married. So needless to say, there is pressure!

So when I have time, I obviously have not made it a priority, I give some thought to finding the other half to settle down with so I can eventually be deified. This inaugural post just happens to coincide with one of those weekly moments when I think "maybe I should really consider marriage..." But then I am quickly reminded of how narrow my field is for finding a suitable mate.

As I said, I am Mormon. That quickly narrows my prospects - I want to be deified, so naturally the woman has to be Mormon. Then there is the commitment to ensure that Diné is perpetuated, so now I have an even narrower field: Navajo woman who is a faithful Mormon. But that is not all, then I think about decolonization (I realize that my adherence to what is considered a "white" man's church may discredit any meaningful attempt I make at decolonization for many potential readers - but for now...bear with me, I'll get to that some time in the near future)...what was I saying?

Oh yes, decolonization, so then I start thinking I want a Navajo woman who is a faithful Mormon, but who has also recovered from centuries of oppression, genocide, and cultural assimilation and has decolonized to the extent that she is comfortable and vigilant in critiquing the very assumptions of the western mind that has led to the devastated state of Indigenous people. I think, "I need a teammate who understands, respects, and realizes the necessity of an Indigenist view." Then, I realize again quickly, and with dampened enthusiasm, that the pool of my potential teammate is very, very, very small. Native Mormons, to my dismay, greedily consume every "western" Mormon weakness, while attempting to maintain an ere of Indigenous dignity. Perhaps, its time to revist and learn to cultivate more patience...perhaps.

But then, I say to myself, "the west is not that bad." Changing the institutions that continue the charge of manifest destiny is hard, and certainly individuals can change. This scattered logic provides the rationale for me then saying, "if I can't find that Native woman who is a decolonized faithful Mormon, then maybe I can find an "enlightened" non-Native. At least there, I might be able to find left leaning non-Native faithful Mormon women."

And I have. But then something happens, I promptly recognize that these left leaning non-Native Mormon women are intellectual. Which I guess is a bonus! But it comes at a cost. Their left leaning, in my most grossly over-generalized thinking, is often the product of white privilege. And nothing is more stressful than helping to process white guilt! But again, I must take the Indigenist highground and admit that maintaining and striving for hozhoo demands of me compassion for all those seeking healing, help, and a deeper appreciation for the world and its inhabitants. As such, I try to help. But, back to my lamentation. So, I then find the liberal white girls (because seriously how many women of color are Mormon?) come from white privilege and often want to marry back into that privilege, whether they admit it or not. This is where is gets confusing and frustrating. The privileged white guys (who are their natural mates) are often these testosterone driven, rugged individualist capitalist, if not then, they are left-leaning socialists who have no real inclination of the plight of minorities - they remain captive to their privileg.(I will comment on incongruency of liberal ideals and Indigenst views). Anyhow, I digress. So the white girls like me, but may be embarrassed or scared of losing their social status by seriously considering marrying below their economic status. But they are torn, because they like the poor Indigenous intellectual, but they wish the white liberal privileged male would think the same way I do. So, I guess if I decide to seriously pursue a white woman, then I have to somehow get rich real quick and shed any inclination of Indigeneity. Needless to say it's confusing and tiring!

So white women don't seriously consider me - I think I am OK with that. Native women, think I am a cultural schizophrenic because I claim to be decolonized and a faithful Mormon at the same time - so they don't consider me. But I suppose I don't seriously consider white or native women either...but that's not really a product of not wanting to get married, I suppose it's a product of my priorities. Right now I just want to get the dissertation finished. Back to work!